What I won't do is sit here and act like having needs or wants and not being able to do what seems like simple things on your own feels good. Whether the money ain't adding up, the disability is a struggle to deal with or the person just won't cooperate, it's no fun.
Yet as believers we are called to depend, to ask AND believe, to walk by faith and not sight, to praise even when were in a storm.
To be quite frank, it sounds like a beautiful love story when I hear seasoned saints say how much they depend on God and how they know who their help comes from, but as a 28 year old, babe in the faith, and new mom of 2 in 2 years, I'm still shaking off the things I grew up hearing about 'not having to want for nothing' and 'getting it done on my own.'
So it's natural for the battle of spirit and flesh to rise up when my husband and I leave our 6-figure comfortable lifestyle in Washington D.C., move to LA 1 week after getting married with just enough for 2 months of rent, no home, no jobs, no immediate, and 5 months pregnant.
Let's not forget we did all of this because we fasted and God told us to move to LA. Period.
There were no further instructions, just move to LA. Oh wait, He did say one more thing, MARRIED.
I'll share those details in a later post, today I want to focus on how we've continually humbled ourselves and learned to receive even when it's hard to wait, believe, and expect.
Through this 3 year season of what seems like forever ,receiving has taught us: (1) so much of our confidence was in ourselves and not God, (2) God is the one to ask and depend on, (3) waiting builds steadfast faith and hope, (4) God uses others to stir up miracles, and (5) worship cancels out worry.
You may feel like having a need makes you less than or maybe you wonder if you're being punished when you see there are more bills than budget, know God works all things out for your good (Romans 8:28) and the death of your ego (Corinthians 15:31) is necessary to live a righteous life that can testify of the miracles God is doing today through you!
Psalm 33:4 is the type of scripture that makes me appreciate the “I’m only doing this because I have to” seasons of life because to be honest most days I feel like I’ve had to fight for gratitude and joy. I know so much of God’s word discounts me even thinking joy is something I would ever need to fight for because it’s from God and He gives it freely but I said what I said (and turns head as I type).
No one ever talks about the hard part of walking by faith. Most of us only hear about someone’s faith once people are living the lavish life or once they have praise reports that are post-able and known once the acknowledgement is applaudable at least that’s what I get from my experiences in life.
The last 2 years of my life haven’t been anything I’ve expected them to be yet everything I need to be at this moment right now where I’m learning to appreciate the battle for joy through the storm.
It’s not common to hear the “in-the-fire” praises. You just hear the “I made it out” praises. Even in church. Most of us have been trained to always be the best, show our best, and promote the best.
But what happens when you’re best is beat down. I mean tore up from the flo’ up.
So this is my first time putting it in writing and letting it be known. Right now we (My husband and I) are walking by faith and most days it’s not fun. But because Psalm 33:4 said “For the Word of the Lord is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness”, we’re putting it to the test and making known the praises, pain, pleasure and purpose as we grow.
Let today be the day you chose to put God’s promises to the test.